When The Going Gets Tough
Pish and I were shaking handfuls of seeds out for the brown chickens when Duncan whistled loudly from the house. "Oi! Simon!"
I jogged over, picking up my robe from a nearby branch along the way. I wiped the sweat from my brow as I walked through the creepy robot statue garden and pushed into the house. Duncan waved me over to the sofa, where my bits were spread out on the cushions. "Give me your telephone," he said.
I reached behind my ear and plucked it off. He waved a small device over its surface until it beeped, and then he handed the telephone back to me. "Your telephone, your wallet and your plate are now the property of one Hellig Apples of Samundra's Western Territories."
"Who's Hellig Apples?"
"You are, my friend," said Duncan, shaking my hand. "Nice to meet you."
Dear readers,
It's finally happened: the free version of this science-fiction novel has been taken offline in order to make room for the hard-cover printed edition from Ephemera Bound Publishing, on sale in stores and online beginning Valentine's Day, 2008.
I regret any disappointment. I kept the free version available as long as I could. Pleasure be sure to check out the new edition! See Cheeseburger Brown.com for more information and updates.
Love,
Cheeseburger Brown
P.S. You can read more of my free fiction via my weblog or in the complete story achives.
posted by Simon of Space at 08:48
28 Comments:
Very good, Mr. Brown! This is clipping along like a classic adventure serial!
Wow, a bit of a change of pace from the last posts & a drastic change of events ;)
Interested to see where this goes, as a previous commenter mentioned that Simon having to end up looking after Pish would be "too Hollywood". Something tells me that you will surprise us though. And Simon had to eventually get a posse, even if it is a child, a farting dog and an uppity-robot ;)
PS: am very sad about the cat though...
(my nick is "theCatwhisperer" ;)
Poor kitty.
I would like to add my voice to the chorus: Your story gets more interesting as each chapter progresses. The style and spirit reminds me vaguely of Harry Harrison (Stainless Steel Rat series), probably because of the first person narrative, humor and scope of your universe. I'm anxious to see where you're going with this.
As an aside: CBB, congratulations on your work. I ran across your Darth Vader blog by chance (me, together with the many thousands of other people who did!). You have the (honor?) of two "firsts" for me: 1) the first time I actually made a PayPal "donation" to download something that was "free"; 2) this message, which represents (I think) the first time I have posted to a stranger's blog (someone I don't personally know), other than blogs which are specifically *for* discussion).
A few days ago, you posted to your personal blog about "art" as "exported awe". I found your text to be one of the best definitions of art that I have come across to date. I agree with you: that sensation we feel when a story, image, or music really touches us, and the desire to share that feeling with others, is really what art must be. I find it profoundly comforting to find an "artist" who really has an idea of what he is trying to achieve. I sincerely hope you can translate your current artistic success into a decent living. Regardless of the outcome, however, I hope you at least receive some satisfaction in the knowledge that by merely attempting, you have become an inspiration to many of us whose artistic tendencies are trapped behind the bars of daily life!
Good luck and keep writing!
Ahh, another dose! Excellent!
I'm not trusting that Jeremiah one bit, by the way.
There's nothing quite like a well written action sequence. I saw it in my mind like a movie.
Jeremiah is an interesting character to bring into the mix, can't wait to see what happens next. :o)
Hi CBB, thanks for the Darth Vader blog. And many thanks for Simon of Space. I love this story so far. Well, I love your writing. I just wanted to chime in with a couple of corrections, if that's ok:
"Clear!" they barked, and then apprended the situation and joined their comrade in charging after Duncan.
I'm not sure that "apprended" is, in fact, a word. A check at dictionary.com
seems to confirm.
Also:
The black-armored police officer backing Pish into a corner by the brook.
I believe the grammar to be incorrect there.
Sorry for nit-picking.
Seemant, I believe the intended word was "apprehended", in the sense of "understood".
The other part is a sentence fragment, giving you the images the same way Simon was seeing them - rapidly, taking everything in at once.
The first one is a legitimate typo, the second a not-really-nit. Sharp eye, though!
It's about time something died, especially since I have a running feud with cats.
Also, something tells me Pish is gonna be a real badass some day.
Line of the day: "Though technically Pish was older than I was, as the tallest man present I felt a certain duty to at least appear to uphold the courage of a protector."
Is foetal the Canadian spelling? New one for me.
Btw - do people really say "Oi!" when they want to catch someone's attention? Where I live, it's always "Hey!"
Still enjoying. Oh, and I loved yesterday's title.
The awesomeness continues.
Simon is an important somebody, and possibly a VERY importanmt somebody. That passel of cops did not show up by chance; they were tipped off when Duncan rigged Simon's "bits". Most of the known galaxy is probably on the lookout for Mr. Fell.
Pure conjecture on my part, but that's what crossed my mind.
And now that you mention it, niels, I don't trust the robot either. Especially given my flight of conjecture.
I agree. On the importance that is. But then why did they send an armored squad, and why didn't they call out for him when they saw him? You'd suppose a person of importance would be handled with care. Not... like this :D.
I wonder wat is in store for Hellig Apples next.
Spelling nit-pickers:
- "foetal" is British/Canadian spelling I believe.
- "apprended" is used in other places, do a google search.. I still really do not know the meaning however.
- "Oi" is used in Britain and other British colonies.
Sorry CBB for interjecting here on your behalf... But picking on the spelling of "foetal" and "oi"? Not everyone is American :P (including CBB!)
I LOVE this story! Can't wait for the next installment!
Regarding Jeremiah...one should never completely trust a robot! (unless it's Kryten ala Red Dwarf;)
But IMO, Jeremiah can't be too evil because CBB seems too original to copy someone else's characterizations. (i.e.Wolves of the Calla (The Dark Tower, Book 5) by Stephen King)
Dear all,
I do have a new entry for today, but it isn't done yet. I'm babysitting my toddler this morning and I'm finding it pretty hard to get any work accomplished. I've typed about two paragraphs in the last hour.
Some responses to comments, however:
Google reveals that "apprended" (to ascertain) is a hopelessly old word, and I probably shouldn't have used it, but it does bring up a point about my current influences:
My wife and I scored four boxes of antique hard-cover books at a country auction recently, so I've been reading books written a hundred and fifty years ago (with charming inscriptions in unbelievably ornate handwriting saying things like, "Merry Xmas '78" where '78 means 1878).
The tone of prose is formal and antiquated, with a lot of borrowing from French as was the style at the time. Coincidentally, our family currently has a live-in nanny of French Swiss extraction, so I've been speaking a lot of French lately. The net result is my vobaculary choices are influenced, yielding words like "apprended" when a more modern one like "apprehended" would have fit better (apprend comes from the French "apprender" - to hear).
The antique book I'm reading right now is a collection of Greek mythology published in 1901, the themes of which have also had a strong influence on my plotting for this story. Disguise and amnesia, redemption through quest, mistaken/assumed identities, prophecy and the hunt of destiny -- classic devices all.
This all goes to answer the comments on the subject of who may or may not be "evil", and whether such treatments may or may not be too "Hollywood"...
I submit that Hollywood is simply Shakespeare without the poetry or artfulness; and let us remember that Shakespeare is just classic mythology injected with poetry and storycraft.
The foundation of any great telling is the collective memory of the audience, a bed of a thousand stories told a thousand times before, familiar as archetypes. Thus, if you are a being of the twenty-first century this basis of the common folklore library is Hollwood. Like the ancient myths, the age-old plots make fertile ground for planting newer and better stories.
This is not a story in defiance of convention -- it is, rather (I hope), a story in which we bounce off the bed of convention with new insights, and new games.
So, will there be "Hollywood" elements? Yes, to be sure.
Will the result be the same ol' same ol'? I hope not. You'll have to be the judge.
The most stale part of Hollywood is the one-dimensional classification of good versus evil. This is one trap into which you can be assured this story will not fall, for the very definition of evil is at the heart of Simon's tale.
That is to say: do not trust first appearences. Those characters whom might be called evil may turn out to be serving another cause than is at first apparent.
"Good" and "evil" are slippy definitions at best, as Vader showed us. Simon will show us more.
Love,
CheeseburgerBrown
But picking on the spelling of "foetal" and "oi"? Not everyone is American :P (including CBB!)
-------
Hey, I wasn't picking. I was noting my American ignorance, and appreciating learning new things! :)
Dear Johnny Butane,
They're not really so nit-pickin' as all that -- I did ask for typo corrections, after all.
Besideswhich, nobody even noticed that Pish was called "Pith" throughout one passage that stood for days until I corrected it five minutes ago.
*** SIMON OF SPACE Trivia ***
The character Pish is named after an orange fish I once had in my office, of whom I was very fond. He was flushed with honours when his day came. Ah, Pish.
Love,
CheeseburgerBrown
converted: Sorry, didn't mean to offend :D I'm ignorant in many things as well.
CBB: I actually thought that "Pith" looked strange, and that I had miss typed "Pish", but my brain kept telling me I didn't... omg, confused I was.
I so very much enjoy the fact that you reply to your readers and explain as best as need be your answers to our questions and observations.
I also, do not accuse you of being "Hollywood" and infact a *little* hollywood is good, it helps pull in those who may not identify with the style right away.
Hope all went well with your babysitting :D
PS: look forward to seeing more of those old books' influences in your writer, and no, do not stop using new words, makes for good discussion & investigation!
"drop your bits..." brilliantly hilarious in an otherwise serious and exciting continuation. Cheers!
what does "it is fotawit you ah well" mean?
"It is fortuit you are well". Fortuit being a contracted (or French) form of "fortuitous", and probably in keeping with the sorta-antiquated (and French-influenced) speech CheeseburgerBrown was describing.
I get told off many days for oi-oi-ing good folk. Apparentling it is not best form to address a brother thus. Shhh.
I'm liking this story ever so. The Fool, his innocent, his fool who thinks he is sirius and his innocent fool, however are well-treaded like. I have little wish to viddy that which is original at the expense of that which entertains.
i get thet BUT WHAT DOSE IT MEAN
On the whole subject of using quote "Hollywood devices" I really like Cheeseburgers comment about that. Let us not be haters. Let us be lovers we'll marry our fourtunes together. Also, I think this is shaping up into what would be an excellent movie. Love the chase scene. Topic of Discussion: at this point who would you like to see play whom?
Jake
To clarify, while I'm yet a little sober, The Fool, His Innocent (or ward), the serious fool and the innocent fool.
To put it in like common terms:
The Fool : Han Solo
His Innocent: either Luke or Leia
The serious fool: C3P0
The Innocent Fool: R2D2
or
Simon
Pish
Jeremiah
Fartles
in order. Truly Hoddywool.
Oh, and I've read the rest and continue to think it's quality. Truly puts me in mind of a book I read 150 years ago it does. Soon as I settled into the second posting I apprended this would be something special.
No other novel has been as captivating a read as this story is, so far. In short, I am hooked!
You flesh out the well-built skeleton of the plot with very apt descriptions, it is a niche craft in itself!
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