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Salutation By Meal

The pedestal upon which I stood rose.

I was lifted up through the floor of the Pegasi fumatory and then the pedestal clicked into place with a faint shudder. I was positioned in a well surrounded by dozens of white Pegasi and hundreds of their scuttling staff. The Pegasi scarcely seemed to take notice of me, though many of their staff pointed their brown, cow-like eyes in my direction. The air was thick with talk.

The language management device built in to the intelligent plastic skin I wore seemed confused by the dense whorls of intermingling babble, and offered only surreal poetic snippets of what it could suss out from the miasma. "Frenzied locution," it said into my ear. "Predisposition for aggravated your plumage has silkened wonderfully good daycleft my estimable numerous counts of a new shampoo."

Greskin Mile slithered out of the crowd and stood beside me. A Pegasi who turned out to be the Master Barrister for the Accused bounced calmly into place on my other side. I was having some difficulty distinguishing one Pegasi from another, particularly as they seemed to wear no clothes and have no given names. Greskin explained that they recognized one another by scent, and that maps of their familial relationships involved model trees whose individual leaves exuded a distinct musk upon being tickled. Greskin added that business cards were even more tricky...

Simon of Space - a science-fiction novel by Cheeseburger Brown
Dear readers,

It's happened: the free version of this sci-fi novel has been taken offline in order to make room for the hard-cover printed edition from Ephemera Bound Publishing, on sale in stores and online come Valentine's Day, 2008.

I regret any frustration. I kept the blog version available as long as I could. Pleasure be sure to check out the fresh edition! See Cheeseburger Brown.com for more information and updates.

Cheeseburger Brown

P.S. You can read more of my free fiction via my weblog or in the complete story achives.


Blogger Ewan decreed...

First comment! Cool...

Very nice to see the ends getting tied together, and the way the courtroom worked and that Greskin wouldn't let him cop out even to be guilty of all charges.

So, the big trial is "tomorrow" eh? Nice setup for the weekend :-)

Fri Sep 16, 11:39:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Garnet decreed...

Everything is one shade better once you've had a hot cup of tea.

So Simon is Arthur Dent!

Seeing Duncan again was a treat (and not just because he prepared the infamous cannoli), and the pseudo-reunion between father and son was masterfully handled. It was the perfect mix of awkwardness and joy, considering the weird interplay between the two of them.

I totally want a scratch-and-sniff business card.

Fri Sep 16, 11:49:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Drkdstryer decreed...

Wow, it just keeps getting better...

I can't wait for the trial to begin, and I want to see more executive Pish, and more of Duncan as well. But my biggest question, is what does Jeremiah have left to tell Simon? Seems more than a little ominous... especially given how Jeremiah is apparently a major witness.

Fri Sep 16, 11:50:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Mark decreed...

Yes, CBB is quite good at the serial form, leaving us hanging on what Jeremiah's new secret might be.

Glad to see Duncan again. That was one character that you left wide open for a reappearance. I still get amazed that you are writing this in a linear fashion. No going back would destroy many an author's bestselling novel. Can't wait to see it after you've had a chance to go back. Surely it will amaze even further, but will also make me wish I were reading it for the first time. That's the other edge to the sword when reading this.

word ver: zlijtka
Beer brewed in Russia.

Fri Sep 16, 11:56:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Fwiffo decreed...


"Quite improper," agreed the Master Barrister. "The Master Executive must be leaving immediately."

Master could be just a polite form of expression among Pegasi (like Sir) or it could be the indication of being in charge. Master Barrister is in charge of defense, Master Judge is in charge of judging this trial, and Master Executive...

Fri Sep 16, 12:23:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Sylver decreed...


Fri Sep 16, 12:25:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dave decreed...

HOLY MOLY! GREAT EPISODE! (I can see this as an episodic TV series now!)

Now though, I'm wondering what Jeremiah had to say to him... hmmmmm

BTW, stats so far are:

345 pages
16,763 lines
149,530 words
692265 Characters (no spaces)

Awesome job CBB

WordBlurb: bxfaklq (why do I always get the horrible ones! LOL)

Fri Sep 16, 12:37:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Jeff S. decreed...

Line of the Day:

"Enjoy the cannoli?" he rumbled softly.

"Words can't describe."

Oh wow... I almost cried at work.

- Jeff S.

word sniglet: ernmjea ... what? you got an aenema in an er on Maja? I don't think my suit is translating your vapors correctly.

Fri Sep 16, 12:56:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Sith Snoopy decreed...

Awesome, as usual. :)

Wow, Duncan IS his Dad. I gathered that from the whole statue thing on Kamari. But this is the proof.

Waiting with baited breath for the trial of the millennia. :)

Fri Sep 16, 01:08:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous sheik yerbouti decreed...



Frickin' a.

CBB, that may have been the best chapter you've ever written. I'm so, SO gratified to see that you're maintaining (and increasing) the quality of the story, all the way to the end.

The cannoli bit was perfect, although I guess Duncan and five thousand years have made some adjustments to the little Italian confection... Either way, I laughed out loud.

Sylver already said it: beautiful.

*stands and applauds*

Oh, and a typo or two:

Her brown hair was no longer bound in cables of beaded braided

Also, pavilion (one "l") is a tent or structure. Pavillion (two "l"s) is a small town in Wyoming :)

What a wonderful, wonderful chapter.

Fri Sep 16, 01:09:00 PM EDT  
Blogger sleeperg decreed...


"I'm going to murder you!"

My mind immediately flashed to Ren & Stimpy's "Stimpy's Invention" episode and the glue socks ("I'm going to kill...you", with veins popping). Ahhh, Happy Happy, Joy Joy.

Any case, as I previously stated, this whole thing appears to be a setup, designed to pin it on Simon. Greskin and Duncan hint that he might not be entirely guilty (kinda like not entirely pregnant?) What's more, I believe Jeremiah's last secret is his (J's) complicity in pinning this on Simon.

I see a jailbreak and a manifestly wealthy fugitive with a new identity flitting about space. Again, just speculation.

Nice that you mixed the Nightmare Cannoli in there. Or is it a "Leave the gun, take the cannoli" reference

Wrod Veri: zrzmgm

zorazumgum - a genetically modified strain of sorghum that is not only usable as a food source, but a furniture polish, as well!!

Fri Sep 16, 01:10:00 PM EDT  
Blogger razorsmile decreed...

Can't wait to see it after you've had a chance to go back. Surely it will amaze even further, but will also make me wish I were reading it for the first time.

Agreed. *nods*

The thing with the fans - oh my stars and f*@#ing garters you're a genius. Second-order effects, man.

Line of the day: "I realized with a queasy lurch that the informatic networks were likely clogged with data concerning this event. I imagined that my face must be being broadcast to every living star.

I tried not to slouch.


weevee: bvihfbqi - be very ubiquitous (how else does one survive in a posthuman universe)

Fri Sep 16, 01:46:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous scott decreed...


I can't wait to have a hard copy of this, I know that I have missed so many subtleties along the way. I suspect that I am going to enjoy this even more the 2nd time around :) although I imagine it will eat up a whole weekend.

Fri Sep 16, 01:51:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Edmund decreed...

I've got to go with the Sheik regarding this being the best chapter yet...and not just because my goofball running cannoli bit is now immortalized in the text!

Beautiful writing, as always, and a great story to boot. MASTER executive, hmm? Duncan doesn't want to lose Simon again?

CBB, I hope you've gotten a second wind and were kidding about Act 4 being over!

WVF: abjxp - a beautiful juxtaposition: The wizened, fatherly figure in the monk's robes really IS the father of the protagonist!

Fri Sep 16, 02:03:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Irish Wolf decreed...

Razorsmile beat me to the line of the day. :)

Loved the cannoli callback, CBB! Laughed my ass off! (Not that I had that much ass to begin with...)

Veriwordfun: frxlq. A popular curse-combination aboard the battlestar Galactica: "Frak's lick!"

Fri Sep 16, 02:26:00 PM EDT  
Blogger mandrill decreed...

More tears, How do you do this to me? Genius as always.

verifun: tjdhw, a prostitute whos been working all night (tenuous I know, sorry)

Fri Sep 16, 02:31:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mike decreed...

Fabulous! Beautiful!

Thank you.

Fri Sep 16, 03:01:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous decreed...

quick typo:
Her brown hair was no longer bound in cables of beaded braided (braids), but rather brushed out


Fri Sep 16, 03:29:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Lilaena decreed...


>:) Delicious entry, CBB, love the addition of the cannoli, which I shall imagine was just for us the commentators.

Fri Sep 16, 03:34:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Phy decreed...

So many Interesting Bits. Like the bit about Simon taking a "wee drink" from the suit that (as commentators already pointed out) probably recycles its waste... Or Glory (Vera) saying she's going to live forever - hyperbole or fact? You never quite know with that girl. Or the return of Duncan, and the Nightmare Cannoli; or Pish Ver. 2.1; or Jeremiah once again dancing around his role as exposition and badass; or Simon getting a good cup of tea, something that almost entirely eluded the previous galaxy-trotting, bathrobe-wearing protagonist, or even Brighton about to get what's coming to him... I think I like the setup chapters as much as the payoffs.

Wordveri: kvtshmp. Etruscan for a tomatoey sauce to be put on fried tubers and grilled meat patties in a soft bun.

Fri Sep 16, 04:19:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous decreed...

I have to say that it was a great chapter....

And, I was wondering did we ever find out what happened to the "real" Pish????


veri word= uosji

Fri Sep 16, 04:48:00 PM EDT  
Blogger razorsmile decreed...

I can't believe I missed that.

"Simon, I am your father."

*grinning like an idiot*

weevee: vvamkzh (easy ... but I'll let someone else take a turn at it)

Fri Sep 16, 05:26:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous decreed...

Not only did the cannoli make an appearance, but I remember reading someone's prediction that Simon would realize that Duncan was around by tasting his cooking. A special layer of the story, just for us die-hard comment readers.

word veri: fyupb, what you say when you'r really mad at the peanut butter (f yu, pb).

A note about word veri:
Some people at the company I used to work at developed an algorithm to read these types of puzzles (http://www.captcha.net/). So, if you get the veri word wrong more than 22% of the time, you're not just a robot, you're a poorly programmed robot.

Fri Sep 16, 06:38:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Janshi decreed...

I am really quite overwhelmed. Don't know quite what to think. Pish! Executive!

My mind is a muddled mass.

Fri Sep 16, 09:18:00 PM EDT  
Blogger indrax decreed...

The title was a givaway for Duncan, but the cannoli blindsided me.
I was surprised to see Pish again, especially full-grown. I like him, and he makes a good entrance.

Speculation: Someone is going to die.

avmtey: A[udio] V[ideo] Matey - The pirate in charge of making sure the rec room DVD player works.

Fri Sep 16, 11:24:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous sheik yerbouti decreed...

I still want to know what has wrought such a drastic shift in what is known as a cannoli while teabags remain virtually unchanged.

Sat Sep 17, 12:10:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous decreed...

Originally posted by Janshi:
I am really quite overwhelmed. Don't know quite what to think. Pish! Executive!


Sat Sep 17, 03:05:00 AM EDT  
Blogger hulver decreed...

Cannoloni != Cannoli

Sat Sep 17, 02:19:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous sheik yerbouti decreed...

Canneloni, manicotti... those are the things that came to mind when Simon described the pasta stuffed with cheese (although the cheese curdles on top still remain a mystery).

I hope CBB will explain the apparent misnomer soon...

Sat Sep 17, 08:18:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous converted decreed...

Masterful. Just masterful. If I'd read this in hard-copy at one shot, this is the point where I'd have teared up, I think.

I'm pleased to note that a comment I made way back in the early days may have ifluenced CBB's way of reintroducing Duncan. I'll probably never know, but it's a good feeling. :)

Sat Sep 17, 11:33:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Teddy decreed...

Kamari Forever, it'll be up soon then! the next segment of the trial! this is more exciting than law and order, runaway jury and matlock combined! great stuff CBB! i totally can't wait.

what is Jerry's last secret? i know, he's actually Terron's mom! or maybe his nanny! i know that they were involved before all this though, how else would the real pish have gotten killed as a result of his actions?

has glory been cured? i mean, if a Fellcorp ship couldn't help her or at least promise her a cure later, is this a curable disease? i dunno.

will the queen of space make another appearance and what will the ultimate destiny of Simon and the Nightmare Cannon be?

and of course, all important; WILL THERE BE MORE FART JOKES? i think it is actually one of CBBs biggest features as a writer. look at it from this angle: by making these fart jokes and having certain characters laugh or blush or do whatever, he makes them more real. farts happen in real life, they are a happy fact of living, and people react in all kinds of ways. these are not a regal thing, not a wondrous thing, simply there, and by including them he helps to make the characters real and helps us identify with them. the queen of space and her stomach problems, captain gold and his need for a laugh, these characters respond to something we can all identify with, passing gas. and as such, we have a common thread with them.

of course, this is simply a small example, but a good one.




wordveri: twmtlie. twim, t'lee. one of those nonsense words you insert in the place of lyrics you don't really know.

Sun Sep 18, 09:47:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous sheik yerbouti decreed...

Simon asked Jeremiah if the Executives would heal Glory, and J said yes. Since we've never known Jeremiah to lie, and the Execs have the Secret Math at their disposal, I think we can take Vera's remark as her usual hyperbole (she ain't gonna live forever, but she'll have a normal lifespan). Notice she's not lighting up anymore either; no need for pain meds.

And I can happily believe, like the other commenters, that my suggestion had something to do with that part of the story.

Impressive title for the next one; I hope it's up soon...

Sun Sep 18, 10:02:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous sheik yerbouti decreed...

Okay, I'm re-reading the Corinthia Tag meeting at Castle Misne (Galactic Primer), and getting suspicious. Is she mixed up in this somehow?

Many of her questions seem a bit too... informed, I guess... to have come from a largely ignorant third party.

word veri: okpylny (
Okay, piss you off later.
-New York

Sun Sep 18, 11:19:00 PM EDT  

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